Enabling is a pattern where family members help the person with addiction avoid the consequences of their actions. Enabling can happen when a family member tries to protect, rescue, or cover up for the person struggling with addiction.

Common enabling behaviors include:

• Giving money to the person with addiction, even when it is likely to be used for substances
• Covering up or making excuses for missed work, school, or family events
• Doing tasks for the person that they could do themselves
• Ignoring or hiding the problem from others

Enabling behaviors can delay recovery and increase the risk of relapse, as the person with addiction does not face the natural results of their decisions.

Codependency is when a family member becomes overly involved in the life and problems of the person with addiction. This relationship pattern can make it difficult for both people to set healthy boundaries.

When you have family member struggling with addiction, you may notice these warning signs of codependency:

• Constant Worry: Thinking about the person with addiction most of the time
• Self-Neglect: Putting the other person’s needs ahead of your own all the time
• Difficulty with Boundaries: Trouble saying “no” or expressing your own feelings
• Taking Responsibility: Feeling responsible for the other person’s choices or emotions
• Seeking Validation: Looking for approval or self-worth through fixing or rescuing the person with addiction

Codependency can develop over time and is common in families affected by addiction.

Family members often experience a range of emotions when dealing with addiction in the household. These may include fear, sadness, anger, guilt, or helplessness. The stress of helping a family member with addiction can be significant.

Realistic expectations recognize that recovery is a process with ups and downs, not a quick or perfect journey. Unrealistic expectations might include believing that a loved one will never face setbacks or that change happens overnight.

Examples of realistic vs. unrealistic expectations:

• Unrealistic: “You will be cured after finishing treatment”
• Realistic: “Recovery takes time, and there may be challenges along the way”
• Unrealistic: “You will never want to use substances again”
• Realistic: “Cravings are normal, and learning to manage them is part of recovery”

Accountability means supporting someone as they take responsibility for their actions. Control means making decisions for someone or trying to manage their choices. Accountability in family support in addiction recovery involves encouraging loved ones to own their recovery without stepping in to fix every problem.

Ways to promote responsibility without enabling include:

• Ask how you can support their goals, rather than doing things for them
• Encourage them to attend meetings or therapy but allow them to choose
• Respond to setbacks with understanding, not by rescuing or covering up
• Acknowledge positive steps and progress, rather than focusing only on mistakes

It’s important to practice self-care as a caregiver to prevent burnout. Self-care strategies for recovery for family members include:

• Physical Care: Regular sleep, nutrition, and exercise
• Emotional Support: Connecting with others in support groups or counseling
• Boundary Setting: Setting limits on time, money, and emotional energy
• Personal Time: Taking regular breaks to rest or pursue hobbies
• Professional Help: Seeking guidance when feeling overwhelmed

Consistent emotional support can help reduce feelings of isolation and shame. Positive encouragement from family and recovery networks is linked to better mental health and lower relapse rates.

Supportive actions that build healthy family and recovery connections:

• Active Listening: Listen without judgment or trying to fix problems
• Regular Check-ins: Simple texts or calls to show you care
• Respecting Boundaries: Honor the person’s privacy and recovery decisions
• Attending Important Events: Being present for appointments or milestones
• Acknowledging Progress: Recognizing both small steps and major achievements

Those who attend family therapy are more likely to complete treatment and have sustained recovery, compared to those without family involvement. Family therapy provides a space to address communication, rebuild trust, and solve problems together.

Different family therapy approaches include:

• Behavioral Couples Therapy: Focuses on improving communication between partners
• Multi-Family Group Therapy: Several families work together in a group setting
• Family Systems Therapy: Looks at how family roles and relationships influence recovery

Family support in addiction recovery can include participation in both in-person and online support groups. Benefits of peer support in these programs include:

• Opportunities to share experiences with others facing similar challenges
• Access to coping strategies and new perspectives
• Reduced feelings of isolation and stress
• Practical advice from people who have managed similar situations

Providing support involves being present, listening, and encouraging healthy choices while letting natural consequences occur if the person returns to old behaviors. This approach helps the family member learn responsibility for their actions.

Resources include support groups like Al-Anon and Nar-Anon, individual and family therapy, educational materials from SAMHSA and NIDA, and community-based recovery programs designed specifically for family members.

Responding with understanding while maintaining healthy boundaries allows the person to experience the results of their actions while still feeling supported. Avoid rescuing behaviors but continue to offer emotional support.

Distant family members can use video calls, text messages, and regular check-ins to stay connected and offer consistent encouragement throughout the recovery process

1. National Institute on Drug Abuse. “Principles of Drug Addiction Treatment: A Research-Based Guide (Third Edition).” https://nida.nih.gov/publications/principles-drug-addiction-treatment-research-based-guide-third-edition
2. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. “Family Therapy Can Help: For People in Recovery From Mental Illness or Addiction.” https://store.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/d7/priv/sma15-4907.pdf